Saturday Night Live: Kristen Stewart 2/4/17


Despite her laid back, nonchalant image, Kristen Stewart was pretty fun as a first time host. The monologue may have been her highlight, as she dredged up her history (at least, Twitter history) with our now president. If you thought it was creepy for a man in his 60s to be commenting on the relationship of 20-somethings, well, you’d be right. And it didn’t get any better when Stewart read the President’s tweets urging Pattinson to break up with her and to come hang out with Trump at the Miss Universe pageant. You know, typical 66-year-old bro stuff.

The monologue was capped perfectly with Stewart dropping an accidental f-bomb while proclaiming her excitement to be hosting. It was followed swiftly with a proclamation that she likely wouldn’t be asked back.

Stewart was game, and there was some really good stuff in this show, but this episode was great largely for one reason, and one reason alone. Melissa Freaking McCarthy.


C’mon. What did you expect this to be?

My unabridged thoughts, as they appeared in my notes:

  • 15 minute standing ovation – everyone was happy and smiling – erections – ovulation – nobody was sad
  • Give Melissa McCarthy all of the money
  • Sean Spicer, prop comic

This was so great, you guys.


I didn’t love the 10 to 1:00 offering, “Golden Ticket”, but Pete Davidson looked so much like Grandpa Joe, I don’t want to really give it a “Worst”.

So instead I wanted to give a supplemental best to the third installment of the Totino’s Big Game sketch. I threw some shade a couple of episodes ago about the Bachelor parody sketches that were recurring each year. When I said that I would rather see them evolve with each iteration, this is exactly what I meant. Vanessa Bayer as the wife who only wants to feed her “hungry guys” during the big game is always pitch perfect. Add Stewart as the only other female at the party and a lurid love affair blossoms in this hilariously perfect sketch.


  • I hit on it every week, but Michael Che sure has found his groove as an Update host. While the ’16 election seems to have beaten down almost everyone else on the planet, Che seems energized and it really shows. His bit on “Radical Muslim Terrorists” was spot on.
  • I kept going back and forth on the digital “Welcome Video”. Sure it’s funny. But also, is it? After the week we just had, I’m not sure there are tons of great travel ban jokes.
  • Super Bowl Celebrity Family Feud was probably just a way to get a lot of cast members onto the show to do impressions, and it was fine. It happens. That said, Aidy Bryant was Paula Deen. And Bobby Moynihan as Bill Belichick, complete with him cheating to win, was pretty solid.


  • “Donald, if you didn’t like me then, you’re really probably not gonna like me now, because I’m hosting SNL, and I’m like, so gay, dude.” – Kristen Stewart
  • “Welcome to the United States: A land of opportunity from sea-Trump Tower to shining Trump Tower.” – Cecily Strong/Beck Bennett
  • “I know the press and I have gotten off to a rocky start. In the sense when I say rocky start, I mean in the sense of Rocky the movie because I came out here to punch you…in the face. And also I don’t talk so good.” – Melissa McCarthy
  • “Police at Kennedy Airport arrested a man after they found cocaine in three cans of tuna. He faces up to 10 years for the cocaine and the death penalty for bringing tuna on an airplane.” – Colin Jost

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